#2 | An Untamed State
Since I was still unwell and am unable to leave my bed, I decided to read another book I've been looking forward to for some time. An Untamed State is essentially about how a privileged young woman, who had never came into direct contact with people living on the other end of the spectrum, got thrown into the abyss one day after getting kidnapped. As with most kidnappings, a ransom was demanded but when it seemed like her kidnappers were not given what they asked for, she was tormented in every cruel way possible and she had to fight with every cell in her body to stay alive.
Let me just say, that when I read 'torments' in the synopsis, I was not expecting what I ended up discovering in its pages. Not saying that physical abuse like beatings are any less of a torment, because they are and they are utterly horrific, but I expected it to end right there because that's all you see in movies right? And I expected that it would not contain what everyone knows in reality, that it just doesn't end there but I never thought that the details of the sexual abuse she had to endure would be right there before me.
It was horribly graphic even with words alone. They were just a series of words strung together but they possessed the ability to make my heart tighten and sink and the underside of my skin to burn, while a lump formed in my throat. I could not bear to continue on - and I was only a little over a hundred pages in. I had to take a moment to look up and away from what I have just seen.
I messaged a friend, told him that it was too painful to carry on. I then felt I should at least know its ending and started reading the chapters backwards but it was just as bad. I snapped a picture and asked if anyone wanted it on my instastory. I was afraid, afraid of the contents the book held. This was probably the only book I've not completed from start to finish and I had to sleep with the lights on that night because my mind has conjured up images it refused to erase.
Except for what I've seen on the news and through other media outlets, I knew absolutely nothing about this matter. It could have been the silence of the night (I was reading till 2am) that caused my thoughts and emotions to heighten. I can't imagine nor do I want to try to imagine the pain, how one's spirit can be broken in a matter of days. If I can feel the way I felt with printed words alone... I wondered if The Giver might have such memories but figured some things are best left unknown.
I am thankful that Singapore is still one of the safest countries globally and crimes like these would not be swept under the rug the way they do elsewhere, I also couldn't help but think about real-life survivors of these heinous crimes, wonder how long and how much it took them to piece themselves together again and the courage they must possess to keep fighting even after their ordeal.
There is where I will stop because I do not know enough (and never want to know it and I wish for no one to experience it either) and do not want to be disrespectful to anyone in any way.
Let me just say, that when I read 'torments' in the synopsis, I was not expecting what I ended up discovering in its pages. Not saying that physical abuse like beatings are any less of a torment, because they are and they are utterly horrific, but I expected it to end right there because that's all you see in movies right? And I expected that it would not contain what everyone knows in reality, that it just doesn't end there but I never thought that the details of the sexual abuse she had to endure would be right there before me.
It was horribly graphic even with words alone. They were just a series of words strung together but they possessed the ability to make my heart tighten and sink and the underside of my skin to burn, while a lump formed in my throat. I could not bear to continue on - and I was only a little over a hundred pages in. I had to take a moment to look up and away from what I have just seen.
I messaged a friend, told him that it was too painful to carry on. I then felt I should at least know its ending and started reading the chapters backwards but it was just as bad. I snapped a picture and asked if anyone wanted it on my instastory. I was afraid, afraid of the contents the book held. This was probably the only book I've not completed from start to finish and I had to sleep with the lights on that night because my mind has conjured up images it refused to erase.
Except for what I've seen on the news and through other media outlets, I knew absolutely nothing about this matter. It could have been the silence of the night (I was reading till 2am) that caused my thoughts and emotions to heighten. I can't imagine nor do I want to try to imagine the pain, how one's spirit can be broken in a matter of days. If I can feel the way I felt with printed words alone... I wondered if The Giver might have such memories but figured some things are best left unknown.
I am thankful that Singapore is still one of the safest countries globally and crimes like these would not be swept under the rug the way they do elsewhere, I also couldn't help but think about real-life survivors of these heinous crimes, wonder how long and how much it took them to piece themselves together again and the courage they must possess to keep fighting even after their ordeal.
There is where I will stop because I do not know enough (and never want to know it and I wish for no one to experience it either) and do not want to be disrespectful to anyone in any way.
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